Archives for February 2007
Vitamins
I believe the children are our future.
This happened at work.
Ms. Whip, did you know I have vitamins in my ears and nose?
What are you talking about?
I had vitamins in there and my brother took them out.
The stuff in there is not called vitamins.
My brother says it is. He took […]
Casting My Pearls at Swine
On Sunday afternoon, I got a Myspace friend request from a bar. A bar I like. A lot. I already kind of thought of the place as MY bar, so this was like confirmation. I felt a teensy bit, I don’t know… All right, I’ll just admit it. I felt special. I mean, I’m already […]
Read this entry >>“Rory”: an introduction
I have a “friend” named “Rory.”
We went to high school together. Or something. As I’ve mentioned before, my memory isn’t so hot!
What I do remember, very clearly, is this one time when I was 15 and working at a health food store in a beachside hamlet… [Despite which: P.W. is not, and has never been, […]
Just a girl
…with sensitive youthful pristine virgin ears.
I can totally hear the Mosquito Ringtone aka Mosquitone aka Teen Buzz! Never bothered to try until Gawker (well actually Gizmodo) linked to it yesterday, because when I first read about it in the New Yorker, it said most people over 20 can’t hear it.
It’s horrible. Like an alien in […]
Operation Short Story
I have got to get my act together. My reading diet is leaving me kind of wan. It involves way too much internet ephemera–probably because my desk chair is the best chair in the house, or actually, probably because I’m a sad, reality-avoiding loafer with adult-onset ADD. In addition to that, my routine includes the […]
Read this entry >>One of those gym posts
Locker room. Three girls talking by the sinks. One girl says, “My iPod just stopped working! It was working fine and then it just stopped.” Another girl says, “That’s cause Mercury’s in retrograde. I don’t really believe in that, but it fucks stuff up, especially electronics.” “Oh, no, how long is it going to last?” […]
Read this entry >>I guess dudes have to pay
Last night, Mr. Pistol and I were in the kitchen, doing post-dinner cleanup–mad domestic, right?–and talking about Andrew Weil, who happens to be Mr. P’s fave health guru and personal hero, and the reason I have been persuaded twice to quit caffeine. (Never again.) I was saying how Dr. Weil is constantly recycling the same […]
Read this entry >>The provider did not like it
Reviewer:
R. Devine (United States) - See all my reviews
After I tried with the providers, my ego was disappeared because my lollipop was too soft. I was so embarrassed and so mad.. Later, I learned that my lollipop was reacted as an allergy to any latex condoms. So I tried Trojan Supra for the first […]
Read this entry >>You know what is really funny?
Pocket-dialing your mother from therapy!
LOL!!!!!!!
2 or 3 things
“I just threw up in my mouth a little” IS SO FUCKING OVER! PLEASE STOP IT! FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE IN/AROUND YOUR PERSON TO VOMIT AND CONSEQUENTLY USE THAT VOMIT-LOCATION TO COIN A NEW WITTY SAYING.
We reserve the right to fantastically rename who(m)ever the fuck we want, like so:
PLEASE DON’T SHOUT IN THE FORUMS. THE MODERATOR […]
Read this entry >>Still No Word From the City
Today I was at the gym, and nothing was making sense.
Read this entry >>Pistol’s Goal For The Week
LESS DRINKING, MORE THINKING.
Read this entry >>Nu-de play-boy co-ck
A DARK STAGE
From the wings, two voices are heard.
An Internet God: […] The word that was blocked is “fuck.” As you can probably know, this word is common used in spam. If you can possibly use some other word, please proceed.
Meta-Mirror: (To itself: As you can probably know?) Er, there isn’t any possible substitute […]
whatEVer
Life keeps me so busy these days!!! I’ve got my shrine to romantic love to maintain, my collection of crystals and stones to keep neat and tidy, and my extensive daily prayers for the health and happiness of babies everywhere! But I finally found the time to get to this Vanity Fair article that I’ve […]
Read this entry >>Dispatch from the gutter
Folks, I am not on top of my game lately.
Let me count the ways:
Read this entry >>So that’s why I’m a loser!
Huh.
For a few decades, it’s been noted that a large percentage of all gifted students (those who score in the top 10 percent on aptitude tests) severely underestimate their own abilities. Those afflicted with this lack of perceived competence adopt lower standards for success and expect less of themselves.Giving kids the label of “smart” does […]
in a strange land
Today at the gym I ran next to a Hasidic woman. She wore a skirt, a shirt, a shirt, and a coral-pink head wrap. And she had staring eyes. Well, of course! When I run I look like a maniac. I sing along, under my breath in theory, to whatever I’m listening to. And since […]
Read this entry >>Everything I do
Read this entry >>
…and I’m catatonic
When I was in sixth grade, there was this set-up at school where, on Valentine’s Day, you could have a rose sent to anybody you wanted for a dollar. I sent one to my boyfriend Bobby with a note that said, “Happy Valentine’s Day, you total stud. Love, Pistol.” How funny was I when I […]
Read this entry >>Exploding stars
So there’s this book I heard about on the Brian Lehrer Show.
The Show I’ll Never Forget: 50 Writers Relive Their Most Blah Blah Blah Blah…
WHAT? I’m sorry, I just fell into a light to no coma. Then I crawled on my hands and knees to the kitchen so I could stab my eyes out, […]