Archives for March 2007
Operation Short Story
I don’t want to be a total hater and trash the fuck out of this story that was in last week’s New Yorker. I was planning to write about a different story that I liked, but then that magazine–it was in Zoetrope–got buried in some pile, and I can’t find it anywhere, and how do […]
Read this entry >>Movie Corner!!!
BLADES OF GLORY
All you need to know is this:
Gawd.
[I can’t get audio-player to work, so just hum “The Final Countdown” yourself.]
UPDATE: Full Farrell redemption. WHOEVER INVENTED ROPE IS A REAL A-HOLE!
Best Night Ever: the Recap
Left Hook’s birthday night at Youpers!
We started at 9. There were various friends, and Lefty scarfed a whole thing of pad see yew, and it was lovely. But before long, things were reduced to inevitable essences: Lefty and Pistol and the Inspector, shoulder-to-shoulder at the far curve of the bar.
Pistol Whip to Bartender: Do people […]
birthday-eclipse-of-the-heart
Il a dit:
J’ai dit:
The end.
File under: weird, nerd, nurds, freaks, WHAT???, cosmic interpolations, birthday, Youpers
Lefthookian economix
You know that expression, “It’s free to look”? (Or sometimes, “It ain’t cost money to look.”)
Isn’t it time to reconsider? Especially after last night? Who “owns” their visions of me, anyway? Don’t I, as the copyright-holder? You dudes are just the temporary licensees.
GIVE ME MY FUCKING MONEY.
Year of Dog
The all-about-me show! Fuck you.
THE SIGN OF THE DOG
Money and status don’t matter to the Dog… Once Dogs determine a subject of interest, they usually master that before taking off for […]
Read this entry >>Big Bang
Once I mused aloud to Left Hook, “Can you imagine what the world would be like if Mick Jagger had never been born?”
Lefty widened her eyes and shook her head, as in, Let’s not go there.
Which is the same way I feel about the Thing that Happened a certain amount of years ago Today.
It was […]
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Early this morning I got this text:
Not only is it NOT SOMEONE WISHING ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY, but it’s some jerk I had one date with three months ago.
Dude, do you not remember what a phenomenal asshole you were?
And now he thinks he can take credit for the hair? Quel joke.
Also, “hair model”? Now my […]
Wide Open
The main thing I have to discuss is: punch.
Yes.
Punch looms large in this story.
[Read the lead-up here and here and here.–Ed.]
In the early hours of the shower–okay, it was only two hours long in its entirety, but it felt like twelve!–I was standing with a group of ladies, trying to act normal so they wouldn’t […]
What’s Up With That Dude’s Voice?
Oh, it’s a chick? High as fuck? Whatever.
Read this entry >>If Yes go to
I should know better than public radio on Sunday mornings, but it’s automatic: I get out of bed and switch that shit on.
Is there anything more disgusting than childbirth?
Yes. People discussing the joy and wonder of childbirth.
Is there anything more disgusting than the so-called joy and wonder of childbirth?
I believe so: the joy and wonder […]
Postcard (Already)
Oh Lefty.
I got rilly drunk on the way here.
I don’t know how it happened, exactly. I mean, yeah, okay, I drank a lot. So sue me!
I sent Firecracker an email at 12:21 saying, “We’re at the airport! And we’re gonna get drunk!” Then I sent her another one at 12:39 that said, “I’m drunk!” Then […]
Pistol Whip is Dixie-bound.
Fuck!
Pray for me. (If you ever pray.)
Read this entry >>Comedy crime?
Via the NY Times: somebody stole almost $12,000 worth of underthings from a Victoria’s Secret in Jersey City.
An insightful observation from Lt. Edgar Martinez, a spokesman for the Jersey City Police Department:
“That’s a lot of underwear.”
Reporter Jonathan Miller brings a touch of poetry to his title.
Revealing Garments, Spirited Away in Concealing Bags
Is that two-thirds of […]
Movie Corner!!!
“PLEASE DO CALL IT A COMEBACK! Dylan’s hair is absolutely fabu in the new tween comedy “Reign Over Me.” Just like the peacoat he so smartly sports, some things never go out of fashion. I’d like that poodle near my cootle!” –Zibby Peterson, Variety
“Dylan hasn’t looked this sharp since he bojangled around the Village […]
Narcissism Loser
So, I’m a little obsessed with AwStats. It’s fun to check them throughout the day! Or maybe not fun, exactly. Maybe more like I can’t help it? And it’s compulsive? And a little crazy? And nothing is going to be different than it was two minutes ago but I CAN’T FUCKING STOP MYSELF?
It’s interesting to […]
I’ll build a house inside of you
Sometimes when I think of a certain thing, a sense of nervous anticipation seizes my thorax. My throat tightens and I salivate.
That thing is running.
Usually it happens a few minutes before climbing on ye olde treadmille. But today at lunch I got it just thinking about how I was going to run after work.
I suppose […]
On not knowing how to sleep
I can’t fucking sleep.
I saw this at the dentist on Friday and I couldn’t resist it.
I’m not even going to get into the ludicrous copy right now.
I thought we could focus on the pictures instead.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brain storm
There are no real advantages to being a migraineur. I really like the Imitrex box, though. It makes me feel like a superhero!
See that lightning? Earlier today, that’s what it was like inside my head.
It also kind of reminds me of this picture of Lefty and me. Wanna see?
All lost at Woodbury Commons
Remember when we went on that all-day adventure with Inspector Corset to those celebrated-but-in-reality-pretty-fucking-disappointing outlets in not-New Jersey? And how people stared at us the entire time we were there? I guess there were some reasons. Like how we were the weird kids who packed our own lunch to eat in the Food Court. It […]
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