Shrimp dick: the prequel

All right, people, you asked for this.

Actually, I’m lying. Nobody asked for this. But it’s what I’ve got.

Wednesday

now [redacted]’s got a shrimpy boyfriend.
what if his penis really looked like an actual shrimp?
ICK
YOU ARE SICK
would you prefer it to look like a raw one or a cooked one?
makes me puke.
shell or no?
plus i’m allergic to shrimp!
bummer… are you so allergic you can’t put in in yr… you know… down there…
AAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH
you are DISGUSTING
BLECH.
you were the one that brought up the whole shrimpdick subject.
if that thing came anywhere near me i’d go into anaphylaxis or however you spell it.
autofellation?
that’s how you spell it.

Thursday

I love redheaded children. When I see one I just want to swallow it whole!
i want to put them in a burlap sack and throw them in the river.
So cute how they kick and claw inside the sack!
They’re fiery. Cause of the red hair and everything.
exact-fucking-ly
sharp claws and teeth
Aw man that reminds me something but I’m on sidekick and I can’t find the goddamn link.
boner sauce
shrimp dick
Anyway, cutest little carrottop doing its homework in this here coffeeshop
Can’t discern its gender
i bet it’s got a s.d.
SHUT UP
god, is nothing sacred?
Not even redheaded bunnyrabbits?
Gawd
I hold shrimp dick near and dear… almost sacred
It’s powerful enough to make me choke to death on my own vomit.
i mean seriously… what if left hook went on a date with a casual b.f. and things got heated and they went back to her place and he had an actual shrimp for a penis?
what if?
Aaaaauuuuuggggghhhhhhh
you should ask her if that’s ever happened?
i’d like to know if that shit is out there.
I’m sure it hasn’t.
no actual shrimp (cooked/uncooked/shelled/deveined or otherwise)?
I think I would know.
have you ever asked her the question directly… i have a feeling she might not just give up that info… that’s the kind of dish you keep to yourself
Deveined is funny when yr talking bout shrimpdicks
I have the WORST middleaged coffeshop boyfriend
Jesus dude!
See the wedding ring?
See the seven inches of height I have on you?
Hate that guy.
you think he might be packing the s.d?
i’ve heard that too much being a douche bag in coffee shops can lead to s.d.
He’ll be a fricking eunuch when I’m thru with him
Are you saying that you’re going to fuck him so hard his balls are gonna blow?
Lol
Lol
Lol
you nastay!
You so funny
But not as funny as ROSS.

Exeunt.

by Pistol Whip | 3 March 2007 | ick, creepy | Comments