Archives for April 2007
Window Seat
I have the window seat. The guy in the middle seat doesn’t stand up to let me by.
In some places it’s considered polite to turn your buttocks to the person you’re squeezing past; in other places it’s polite to turn your buttocks away.
I fly so much on business I forget where I am sometimes.
The tarmac […]
Read no evil
This morning I picked up the New Yorker and starting reading Atul Gawande’s article on aging. It raised my hackles almost immediately.
First of all, the thing about “the now famous worm C. elegans.” I thought, a worm is famous and I’m not??? That’s NOT FAIR. Plus, they’re going to give a worm that name? Lucky […]
I Know the Feeling
From: Mr. Pistol
Sent: Saturday, April 28, 2007 9:48 AM
To: Pistol Whip; Left Hook; Garro; Desmo
Subject: Not responsible
To Whom It May Concern,
FYI BTW WTF – Mr. Pistol will not be held responsible for any conversations had on Friday, April 27th after 8pm EDT. Please call me on my mobile phone if you have any questions or […]
Friday evening at Youpers (REAL TIME)
Mr. Pistol: You walk out the door and you spend a hundred dollars.
Left Hook: You buy cotton candy and a condom and it’s a hundred dollars.
Beat.
Left Hook: By the way, that’s my perfect day.
Pistol Whip is tested by God
This sort of trial is always threefold. I had to:
stand on the L platform
ride the train
walk up Bedford
between 10:00 and 10:30 pm on a Thursday night whilst holding a shopping bag emblazoned with the words RK BRIDAL.
Father, I asked, why hast thou forsaken me?
There was no answer.
I wag to the right for you, baby
Article in the Times about dogs and the significance of their tail-waggery. Apparently, their tails bear to the right when they’re happy to see you.
Which begs the question…
Read this entry >>Vocabulatrix
Sit up straight when your schoolmarm walks into the classroom. Today’s word is erumpent. Can anyone tell me what erumpent means? No? Well, what if Schoolmarm were to tell you that it describes what’s going on right now, not only all around you, but in your own bodies, specifically in your gonads (noun, an organ […]
Read this entry >>Sha-la-lee
Meet my ideal man.
[Sorry to horn in on your territory, Lefty. I’m LOVESTRUCK.]
“FOR THE TIME BEING BABY LIVE BY MY RULES” + that falsetto = the complete package.
***Bonus***
refers to sex as “making time.”
wants to get married.
P.S. Do you think it’s possible that “Two Faces Have I” is a metaphor for the falsetto/non-falsetto duality?
P.P.S. Oooh, this […]
Spring, sprung
FILE UNDER: If you have to ask…, I can’t help myself, I’m an asshole
Read this entry >>Sexantics
On Friday at acupuncture, I thought about the phrase “sex life” for a long time. You know how if you say a word over and over again, you start wondering if you might be mistaken, maybe it’s not actually a word after all, because suddenly it sounds crazy and the letters seem to be randomly […]
Read this entry >>The week in review with Left Hook and Pistol Whip
MONDAY. Left Hook is home sick with the flu.
Left Hook: Hello, Pistol? Primordial dwarves on channel 9.
Pistol Whip: Huh?
Lefty: DO IT.
Pistol: Oh, my, God.
Lefty: I know.
Pistol: […]
Lefty: That one is kind of hot, though.
Giggles. An uncomfortable silence.
Pistol: I see what you mean.
Later.
Lefty: Call me an idiot, but I didn’t realize […]
Children are cute, blahblahblah
I haven’t really been working lately–I mean at my job… my life is like 100% Work and I am sooooooo busy–but I had to go to school a couple days this week to do a project with the children. A wall-hanging which was inspired by another wall-hanging I saw in an Italian nursery school, to […]
Read this entry >>Flash of brilliance in “Are You Emo?” quiz
Heh!
Read this entry >>How The Fuck is This Newsworthy?
Last night on Dateline, the powers-that-be trotted out correspondent Hoda Kotb, and had her speak on camera for several minutes about her alma mater.
Today, I’m wearing orange, one of Virginia Tech’s colors. The school colors are actually maroon and orange. I remember in college, and we didn’t love the color scheme— we thought the two […]
I’m glad I’m not a sexpert
From last week’s “Get Naked” [Time Out New York]:
I have been in a relationship for six and a half years with a man who is a kind, gentle and patient lover. He has really taught me everything that I know when it comes to sex. My problem is that no matter what we try, when […]
I heart Nancy Franklin
Her TV reviews are pretty much my favorite thing about the New Yorker. And I don’t even watch TV, except at the gym with the sound off. It doesn’t matter whether you’re ever going to see the show in question, because her writing is so smart and funny and engaging, you just want to gobble […]
Read this entry >>You had me at “bloody.”
Nice.
I’m also getting some gothy purple-black morning glories. For my arbor, yo. My garden’s going to be EDGY.
Looky
Worth a gander: www.polishposter.com, where fifty years worth of Polish posters for movies, plays, operas, and more are for sale. (Thanks to Ryan for the tip!)
Some cost as little as forty bucks!
XOXO,
Dziewczyna z Pistoletem
Poke me and sawdust comes out
Lots about old people me at the Times today!!!
“‘I’m healthy as a horse now,’ Mr. Wasserman, a part-time consultant in Manhattan, said, ‘but I may need [a shower chair and a higher toilet seat] when I’m older.’ He may also need good reasons to get up in the morning. Gerontologists say that boredom and a […]
Dentistry is a Dark Art
It’s like a combination of alchemy, witchcraft, and auto repair. And its practitioners strike me more as tragic vessels than lusty torturers. Dentistry moves through them, demon-style.
Can you imagine having to stick needles in people’s heads every fucking day???
Today I was privy to these Mysterious Exchanges between my sad-eyed dentist and his anxious, ever-wincing hygienist:
“We’ll […]
Read this entry >>