Gag gag me at gagagag

Everybody, there’s something I want to talk to you about. Something that’s bothering me. And if it doesn’t stop, I AM GOING TO STAB MY EYES OUT. Or at least stop reading blogs.

It’s this:

I’m using Corporate Casual as a case study here. BUT THIS IS HAPPENING EVERYWHERE.

In the first instance, a bunch of people with nothing better to do are debating the general worth of Corporate Casual author Worker #3116, i.e. omg is he cute or is he not cute? is he totes overrated or maybe y’all’s just jealous? And on and on and onandonandonblahblahblah. Then this “straff” comes in and helpfully notes that she liked a post written eight months previous. In fact, Mr. #3116 had her then. I’m sure THAT made his day.

In the second instance, a person with the brilliant-sounding moniker “MIss Betsy” uses 15 words to say omg, cute!

In the third, “Laura” at least attempts to use the trope ironically. Worker 3116 has just referred to his readers as “crazy, retarded, or both.”

Hence.

Sigh.

It’s still not enough.

This is an intervention, okay? I want to explain something. Maybe if you were in a bar, you could be all, “You had me at blahblahblah” to some dude, and make googly eyes, or flutter your lashes, or whatever it is you do, and it wouldn’t matter, because of your tits.

But this is Internet, people. All we’ve got is WORDS.

If you are compelled to use this thing as a public flirting venue, God help you. And if, in so doing, all you can come up with is a flaccid, empty reference to a deeply forgettable late-90’s romantic comedy, then, I don’t know… kill yourself?

Or, alternately, just keep it inside your head.

DIGNITY!

by Pistol Whip | 25 May 2007 | rant | Comments