Sicko

Last week I was really sick, but I kept going to shows, because I already had tickets, and at the shows I kept drinking, because drinking makes you feel better whether you’re sick or healthy. But, sigh, if you’re sick, it doesn’t make you get better. It makes you get worse. So, bad idea.

It was Dinosaur Jr on Wednesday night, Califone on Thursday, and Architecture in Helsinki on Friday. The first was eh, the second was wow, and the third was fun but would’ve been funner with cocaine. But you have to draw the line somewhere.

All three nights, everybody seemed impossibly young. Nothing like flu-like symptoms to bring out the hag in me, I guess. Dinosaur Jr was mainly hairy-palmed chronic masturbators, and I can totally deal with them: sweet, harmless! Architecture in Helsinki was the opposite: hot teens! Like, the kind of teens who are definitely getting laid, a bunch. It was fun dancing amongst them. Yeah yeah yeah, I’m a lech. So sue me!

I don’t know exactly why, but at Califone everybody was incredibly annoying. Like this girl who was standing next to me. She was wearing an unflatteringly tight wide-striped tunic [note to world: can we PLEASE stop with the tunics???] and had bad tattoos and that haughty, horrible 23-year-old aura. Gross.

Pistol [whispering]: See that chubby girl in stripes?
Mr. Pistol: Yeah.
Pistol: I hate her.
Mr. P: Yeah.
Pistol: She’s the worst. Isn’t she the worst?
Mr. P: Yeah.
Pistol: Why does she even have to be here?
Mr. P: Somebody should… do something terrible to her.
Pistol: What do you mean?
Mr. P: …
Pistol: Like, rape?
Mr. P: Jesus! No!
Pistol: …
Mr. P: Jesus!
Pistol [tremulous, contrite]: I’m a terrible person.

by Pistol Whip | 11 June 2007 | assholes, creepy, laffs, music | Comments