penance

“it’s on sale and i haven’t bought a nice dress since i got married and that was not actually technically a nice dress i mean it was from express or some store thereabouts on 5th and 20th and in retrospect it never was ideal aka not the most flattering and anyway that was like six fucking years ago and why shouldn’t i buy it if i am in love with it and shouldn’t i celebrate the state of non-marriage just as much if not more than my marriage, which now i can’t think about without cringing mistakes were made people mistakes were made but now i will be a very good kangaroo and hop on over to the temp agency i will say please i will do whatever you want i will file and type but i will not answer the phones i do not like phones just let the paycheck flow and eighteen dollars for shipping is bullshit, bullshit, bullshit but the panic of getting the last one clutched at my heart and i clicked yes that’s what i did but i’d like to admit that all this talk about splurging vis a vis marriage non-marriage is shameful rationalization after the fact and i know that already but we all lie to ourselves all the time everyone knows life is just a series of willful self-delusions so fuckit can’t i for once feel pretty while i’m doing it?”

by Left Hook | 15 July 2007 | guilt | Comments