Archives for August 2007
Onan Revisited
The weird thing about masturbating is, IT’S SUCH FUCKING HARD WORK!
They don’t tell you that in school. You gotta just learn it on the streets. Just you and your hand(s)/finger(s). No one can help you. No one tells you how long it should take, and if you should go really fast or sort of slow […]
The Integral Screw
Everybody has questions about our trip to Brazil! Everybody from my dermatologist to my mom to my friends to my “friends.” Case in point:
so how much brazilian cock did you get?
be honest.
it tastes like the salt cod, no?
bacalhau!
i’d eat the fuck outta some bacalhau.
homo.
I know Left Hook and I […]
the jeans grail
Every night I pray to God to send me a proper pair of jeans. Here’s what I wish for:
dark wash
high (natural!) waist
straightish leg
That doesn’t seem like so terribly much to ask. It seems, to me at least, like the Platonic ideal of jeans! WHY SHOULD IT BE SO HARD, THEN?
Read this entry >>Giggle Corner
Jernigan!
“Peter Jernigan,” I said.
“Martha Peretsky,” she said. Hands went out. As I do with women, I clasped firmly but did not shake. (With men I pump up and down.)
Hey, that’s how I do it, too! Ding-dong whang-a-lang READ THIS BOOK.
The Ultimate Sacrifice
It took a long time to get home from Brazil–duh, but also because first we flew from Rio to Sao Paulo, and that flight was delayed, and somewhere in there an hour-plus wait on the security line, and then we had a few hours in the airport before the flight to New York, and that […]
Read this entry >>DON’T WORRY. WE ARE NOT DEAD.
Were you afraid we were dead? Aww, that’s so cute. You must really like us!
Things got hairy in Brazil. We caught colds! Then we went to Rio, and we lost our identities. Rio is dangerous, people. So we took off our name chains, lest they be ripped from our necks. And we never take off […]
The Shape of Your Inbox
Remember, we are at your postcard-composing beck and call.
Drop us a line at mirror (dot) meta (at) gmail (dot) com (or click the email link below) with your address, or that of a hated/loved one, and we’ll do our best to charm with pen and ink.
Bom dia!
We’ll get our snakeskin somewhere else
Last night I was excited to share my World Experiences and called my new boyfriend from Sao Paulo.
Read this entry >>OH MY GOD WE ARE HAVING SO MUCH FUN WE ARE GOING TO DIE
Funny snaps!
Fruta de conde…
Wow. Who’s THAT?
Read this entry >>Want postcards?
We don’t know how well we’ll be able to maintain the blog from Brazil (because, do they have computers there???), but we’ve got our quills cocked and ready to compose some old-fashioned postcards.
And you know what? Left Hook and I write a bang-up postcard. Perhaps you would like one?
Kindly email your address to mirror [dot] […]
Read this entry >>And we’re off
We have a lot of pills for the plane rides to and from Brazil. Some of them I’ve taken today. “This time I think you should try a whole Ativan,” Lefty said over the phone earlier. “You need to see if it works!” I did as she said, because Left Hook knows best.
Uh, it works.
Now […]
Low fidelity
Last night Youpers was insanely crowded like it was Saturday night, since the Beastie Boys show had just let out. Yuck. Secret Keeper managed to save three seats at the bar until Left Hook and I arrived, using only her leg and her wits. Oh, plus a DON’T FUCK WITH ME attitude. Duh.
Anyway it was […]
Back on the premises
I’m back, and people have been asking me how my vacation was.
The vacation I remember: a series of cloudy days interwoven with existential angst, unwelcome childhood memories, and my mom.
The vacation Sidekick remembers:
I’m gonna go with the latter. It was sweet, y’all!
Link of the Day
Dear Fiend,
I’m writing to share the latest hip web address with you. In my job as junior content editor, I scour the bounty of the internet to bring you precious goodies like this. Some of my colleagues implored me not to share the link with you. “It’s too hot,” they hissed. “You’ll ruin it. Save […]
Greatest Ad Ever.
In craigslist free stuff:
Backstory, conflict, and comedy in 2 short sentences. My neighbors figured out what was happening might be the SHAPES of August.
btw: Park Slope. (Who knew it was so funny down there?)
Hahaha! Potato Cannon
The Sound of 1,000,000 Architects Dying
The New York Times: Even a Master Needs Help Sometimes
Read this entry >>Boston postcard
Four words:
STEELY DAN COVER BAND.
We Speak of Books, and it is Hot
You’re all dying to know how things are going with my new boyfriend. Here’s a transcript of one of our recent conversations.
Left Hook: Guess what, I finished Anna Karenina!
Daddy: …
Lefty: Yawn.
Daddy: …
Lefty: Haha! Just joking.
Daddy: …
Lefty: Sort of.
Daddy: …
Lefty: But seriously, why is finding God the solution to the plot pickle of like every 19th […]
Book Club
Wherein I talk about the books I’ve been reading, and you fall asleep.
Do you ever ask yourself why you read books? Well, I have the answer: because of the bald brutal horror of reality!
Like, to escape it! Duh.
Read this entry >>Please Don’t Be Jealous…
…but I have a new boyfriend. Pistol Whip and I picked him up on the way home from the Brazilian Consulate. I don’t think he’s Brazilian, though. We were already in Brooklyn when we met him.
What’s the first thing every gal likes to do with a new sexpal and confidante? Accessorize him. Click through to […]