Please Don’t Be Jealous…
…but I have a new boyfriend. Pistol Whip and I picked him up on the way home from the Brazilian Consulate. I don’t think he’s Brazilian, though. We were already in Brooklyn when we met him.
What’s the first thing every gal likes to do with a new sexpal and confidante? Accessorize him. Click through to see how cute he looks in Mommy’s sweatband and Auntie Pistol’s sunglasses!
But first, is it weird that I call him Daddy? Sometimes when we’re together I call him that, but very softly in case it should freak him out. I ask you because the other day I was porning around online and I found a sex-related message board, and someone wrote in to ask if it was normal to call her boyfriend Daddy and the person who responded said it was kind of weird and could indicate that the girl had a history of sexual abuse. Really? I guess I ought to expect a boatload of recovered memories in my mailbox (zang!) any day now.
(Also, has no one ever heard the phrase, “Who’s your daddy?”? I believe it is in general use in the language of English. )
Anyway, I have plenty of time to ask probing questions like this, and rest assured there will be many ways in which you can help me to navigate the treacherous waters of Boyfriend Bay. Oh, but I promised you a picture! Here’s my sweetie.
And here’s Pistol getting a dance lesson from my new boyfriend! I had to crop her out of the picture cause she’s so pretty she’d make your monitor explode.
I know that all of you are used to thinking of us as a POWER DUO and it might make you initially uncomfortable to add the hypotenuse of male sexual energy to the imaginary, feminine twosome in your minds. Well, we’re not imaginary, but the representations of us in your imaginations are imaginary, if that makes any sense! I’m just a silly girl who doesn’t really know anything about ontology: all I know is that I want to keep this Good Man in my life.
So check your jealousy at the gate, please. Trust me on this one. My new boyfriend is nothing to worry about. He’ll just highlight my best characteristics–wisdom, kindliness, insatiable lust, etc. It’s going to be so great. And don’t worry about Pistol feeling left out, because it’s not like that. Dude’s like a brother to her, and if you must know, she always wanted a brother.
Sigh. I knew my life would get better someday and now it suddenly has!
3 Responses to “Please Don’t Be Jealous…”
1 Pistol Whip 1 August 2007 @ 7:00 pm
I like how when we met your new bf, he was so willing to stop what he was doing and just come with us, no questions asked. Just, like, go with the flow, see what the universe has to offer, etc. There’s something so Zen about him, ya know? We could probably learn from that!
Here’s what I’m wondering: do you have to be the boss in bed too? (Sorry, sorry, inquiring minds…!!!) Or maybe he has a secret alpha side? Sometimes they’re like that, lols. All’s I know is: I bet still waters run DEEP, if you catch my drift. Rrrowrr!
Isn’t it cute how New BF is just as comfortable all thugged out in sweatband and shades as he is teaching a gal to waltz? So, like, complex, and multifaceted? A girl could spend a lifetime exploring all his facets.
To top it all off, he is a great listener, and you don’t have to be Dr. Phil to know that that’s the cornerstone of any successful relationship.
I don’t know about you, Left Hook, but I think this might be The One!!!!!!
2 Left Hook 1 August 2007 @ 7:35 pm
Dear Pistol,
when my throat is dry, you are my voice;
when my legs are broken, you are my crutch;
when i am thirsty, you give me wine. (kind of the same as the first one, but whatever)
Thank you for putting into words what my trembling heart prevented me from expressing. Yes, I agree that Daddy might be The One!
O love! Can it really be?
Our children will be so pale and well-behaved.
3 Pistol Whip 2 August 2007 @ 1:50 am
Ever since I read this post, I am suddenly self-conscious about the fact that I call ALL men “Daddy.” I wasn’t even really AWARE of it until today! Every time I’m in the presence of a man, it just pops out! It doesn’t matter if he’s my husband, my bartender, one of the dudes at the deli, or a member of my Mental Health Team. All daddies to me!
Is that weird?
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