Boston postcard

Four words:

STEELY DAN COVER BAND.

Just believe me when I tell you it could not be avoided.

Also: men significantly outnumber women in this city, which gives the nightlife a distinctive flavor. Like, goaty and sad? Basically, as soon as you walk into a bar, roughly every single dude starts trying to have sex with you. You, and, like, anyone else with a vagina! [Gross.–Ed.] I’m talking HARD SELL.

There are only two types of guys. Fratty 22-year-olds, and jowly grown-ups dressed for Casual Friday at Your Dad’s office circa the mid-nineties.

STEELY DAN COVER BAND played at a venue populated by the latter type.

My most persistent suitor’s name was Scotty. Barrel chest, five-o’clock shadow, pleated khakis, famished gaze.

Scotty: What’s your name!
Pistol: Pistol.
Scotty: So, are you a big Steely Dan fan!
Pistol: Ugh. No.
Scotty: So, are you coming to the after-party!
Pistol: …
Scotty: So, where ya from!
Pistol: Kansas.
Scotty: I bet there aren’t many girls like you in Kansas!
Pistol: …
Scotty: So, what part of Kansas!
Pistol: Kansas proper.
Scotty: Hey, are you coming to the after-party!
Pistol: …

In some ways, Scotty was very observant. He saw my nameplate necklace and asked me if I’d ever pistol-whipped anyone. (Wokka wokka!) He wanted to know which species of sparrow is on my shoulder. But apparently those hungry eyes glided right past my wedding ring.

By the end of the night–which means 1 am at a bar in Boston–he had grown desperate. He’d put a lot of time into me, and I was about to leave!

Scotty: Most people who seem powerful aren’t really powerful. It’s all an act. But you’re different.
Pistol: How do you mean?
Scotty: I mean you seem powerful because you really are powerful.

Hey, I thought, this dude totally gets me!

Then he had to go and ruin it.

Scotty: Or maybe you just have power over me. Are you coming to the after-party?

by Pistol Whip | 5 August 2007 | postcards!!!, personal hells | Comments