We’ll get our snakeskin somewhere else

Last night I was excited to share my World Experiences and called my new boyfriend from Sao Paulo.

Left Hook: Guess what, I’m in Brazil!
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Remember how I’m here?
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Everything is so… just… So! Wow!
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Like, if “So” could stand on its own. Ya know?
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Yesterday we went to a coffee plantation. I know a lot about the agriculture of coffee!
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Now when we go to your work functions, I won’t embarrass you anymore.
Daddy: …
Left Hook: I’ll always have a store of facts with which to enthrall and impress. Stuff like, it takes three years for a coffee tree to produce its first fruits.
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Yes, I said first fruits.
Daddy: …
Left Hook: And the seedlings are planted in the field when they have ten leaves. 
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Your colleagues will nod sagely at my learned dissemination. Inside I’ll feel sick at the way I transparently trot out my little quips. Aren’t we always just reading from one script or another? Terrible. Like when I played the court jester as a child. Someone had to make my mother laugh! 
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Hello?
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Hey, did you get the pictures of that weird fruit?
Daddy: …
Left Hook: It’s called fruta de conde, or something like that. Pistol and I are obsessed with it. It’s like fish flesh when you open it. Not the flavor, but the way it breaks apart into scale-like chunks.  
Daddy: …
Left Hook: God, the food is so good! Fuck! After the tour of the coffee plantation, we had lunch outside and I’ve never had such delicious things. I can’t explain it to you. You’ll be jealous.
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Pistol ate a chicken heart!
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Well, maybe that wasn’t so delicious. Today we’re going to a snake farm. We were hoping to score some snakeskin wallets, but it turns out it’s for the production of anti-venom. Oh, well.
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Oh, and the phone booths! They look like the Martian on Bugs Bunny! Pistol and I are planning a whole phone-booth-themed photo shoot.
Daddy: …
Left Hook: In a way, I’m glad you’re not here. All the women are SO HOT.
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Dudes ain’t too shabby, either. And we aren’t exactly going unoticed, so it’s all good.
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Are you mad? It’s not like I’d ever do anything. The same way you’d never do anything, cause our love is a restless eternal flame, burning deep in our loins, undeniable and non-transferable.
Daddy: …
Left Hook: You know, like a coupon.
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Coupon the movie! Haha! Let’s watch that together sometime. I want to share Important Things with you.
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Anyways, what’s going on? Listen to me prattling away!
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Sigh.
Daddy: …
Left Hook: The phone is all wonky–
Daddy: …
Left Hook: Huh?
Daddy: …
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Daddy: …
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Daddy: …
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Daddy: …
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Daddy: …
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Daddy: …
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Daddy: …
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Daddy: …
Left Hook: …
Daddy: …
Left Hook: What?
Daddy: …
Left Hook: …
Daddy: I said, Do you miss me? Do you miss my cock?
Left Hook: (whispering) Yes.

by Left Hook | 17 August 2007 | lucky motherfuckers | Comments