the jeans grail
Every night I pray to God to send me a proper pair of jeans. Here’s what I wish for:
- dark wash
- high (natural!) waist
- straightish leg
That doesn’t seem like so terribly much to ask. It seems, to me at least, like the Platonic ideal of jeans! WHY SHOULD IT BE SO HARD, THEN?
This fall they’re making plenty of wide-legged high-rise jeans
and skinny high-rise jeans
to which I say: puke, and puke.
Did I give the impression that I wanted to look like an asshole, God? I don’t think I did.
If you are not a model, wide-legged jeans will make you look fat, and/or like a clown. Duh. And besides, who ever asked for JEANS to have a wide leg? If you want that, buy PANTS.
Skinny jeans rarely even look good on models. See above. And on regular people, they’re terrible 99% of the time. YOU HEARD ME, WILLIAMSBURG LASSES: your jeans are unflattering!!!
Fuck a fat clown and fuck a pear-shaped 80’s rat. I want jeans like this!
Or this!
On Sunday, divine intervention! It was hot and and I had cramps and the beginning of a migraine, but I was walking by Bloomingdales and something made me go in and spend two hours trying on forty million pairs of jeans.
Nothing was remotely close. Until I found these! They’re Habitual Aerial Jeans in the Deep End wash.
They’re actually much better in real life. They hit just below the bellybutton. And unlike the dame in that snap, some people got hips.
Know what? With a short-sleeved blouse tucked in, and a belt, and boots, that shit is official.
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