Archives for September 2007
Cringeasana
I’ve been waiting pretty much my entire life for a stranger with a skateboard to talk to me on the street.
Well guys, it finally happened!!!
Except, it wasn’t exactly how I dreamed it would be. Sigh. Like they say: be careful what you wish for; you just might get humiliated on the street by a pack […]
IT IS WAY TOO LATE IN SEPTEMBER TO BE SINGING THIS SONG!
Read this entry >>
The Unbearable Lightness
Dear Naturade,
I hate you! Why can’t I find this anymore?
Whole Foods used to carry it, but I haven’t found it there in months. Once I bought “Muscle Maker” instead of “Weight Gain” but I cannot buy that, duh, because you’ve chosen to call it MUSCLE MAKER. That’s more embarrassing than buying Imodium A-D (IT WAS […]
Read this entry >>Girl gone mild
I couldn’t get drunk this weekend. It was weird.
LET’S GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.
Come again?
I’ve been mentoring this woman, CB, for almost two years now. It’s totally great, but talk about Worlds Collide. The other day, she asked me to clean up a few pages for her, which are to be posted on the website of the non-profit place where she takes computer classes and so on.
Mostly I standardized […]
Hamnanigans
Left Hook answers the burning questions of the day.
How the fuck is Owen Wilson?
Owen is at home and resting comfortably. He’s not “fine,” nor is he “woe-ridden.” He didn’t use either of those words. He said he didn’t want to talk, but then he didn’t hang up the phone, either, so we did that thing […]
Goddamn the gods
This week has been what grad school should’ve been: lots of drinking whiskey and shooting the shit with our idols.
Except, it’s confusing when they turn out to be real people, and give too many details about their hernia surgery, etc.
Plus, this:
On Sunday night, Lefty and I picked up The Smartest Man in the Room at […]
That is my wings
This broad is pretty much my hero.
Read this entry >>Uh…
Too many drinks, and that weird revelation?
Please stand by.
Seriously?
Read this entry >>
Snap On.
In Brazil they are serious about their role-play-themed advertising.
Shit is viral (little joke).
Also, in this country, that guy is gay, but there… don’t bet on it. Ya know?
Book Club!!!
It took me six months to read Emma, a fact I am not proud of. I must’ve read seven or eight other books during that time. I tell you that out of pride, not because it’s necessary information. Meaning: I’m not a retard, I swear!
But yeah. For five months, three weeks, and four days, I […]
The rugged caprices of quicksilver minds
At the party on Saturday, Pistol and I lurked by the hors d’oeuvres and discussed blow jobs, in particular the specialty known as the “mediocre blow job”, in which we both have an enthusiastic interest.
Anyway, we soon moved on to other topics of conversation. It’s never dull to be at a party (or a gas […]
Michael Cera sextape!!!!!!
When you’re anticipating spending a week with your family, it’s easy to get cocky. You’re the youngster! You’re sparkly and clever… You have the nicest shoes… And you haven’t lost your looks yet! It is your job to curse at the dinner table, make sex jokes, and guide folks through popular culture. You’re the gadfly […]
Read this entry >>Dreamlandia
Maybe the worst part of the trip to Brazil was the fact that the following conversation with Christian Fernando F., brother of Marcelo and the Hook family transportation specialist, took place the night before we left:
Fernando: So, do you need a prescription to buy drugs in the United States?
Pistol: Yes.
Fernando: Really? You need a prescription?
Pistol: […]
New York Times: My Perspiration is None of Your Business
Remember “one”, that useful generic pronoun? Is it, like, extinct or something? Even for newspaper dinosaurs?
Ms. Madden is 59, blond, with a personal style so warm and focused that after a while you begin to sweat.
Also, I had to read this sentence three times, and it still don’t parse:
“There ain’t no phone and there never […]
I go where I’m led
Just in time for a subtropical storm by the name of Gabrielle.
XXX.
bloody knees
Ever since I converted to Christianity (last Thursday), life has been pretty boring. If by boring you mean an awesome feeling of relief!
You know how they (?) say all good dialogue is in essence just alternating “Yes” and “No”? Well, I thought life meant alternating the statements “I don’t want to live” with “I don’t […]
Skull of Zeus
Some thoughts, feelings, ideas, observations, and speculations about my second favorite subject in the world: Left Hook!
WHO IS LEFT HOOK? AND WHERE DID SHE COME FROM?
From the first moment you meet Left Hook, you know that there is something different about her. Something so, so, so special.
What is she? you ask yourself.
Is she one of […]
Q: Can ANYTHING be a drug?
A. I think so.
For months, I was obsessed with the Shangri-Las. I spent a portion of every day slack-jawed and ecstatic, headphones in ears.