Archives for October 2007
FINALLY.
Read this entry >>
Best Dream Ever!!!
So last night I had this dream about Will Arnett! We were making out! In a bar! And he pushed me up on the bar, and I was like, Will Arnett people can see my underwear! And then I cut my hand on a piece of glass and it was bleeding really badly and he […]
Read this entry >>Seasonal
“Chinchilla holding a sticker that he just removed from a squash.”
Dude, I’m totally going to be that chinchilla for Halloween! Don’t forget about wikipedia when you are at work and doing research but have to post something even though it’s totally boring and has nothing to do with anything [and the squash?–eds.]. You could even […]
Read this entry >>Liveblogging the David Rees Lecture
GASP.
HOWL.
OH MY GOD. I’M DYING.
DID YOU HEAR THAT? DID YOU HEAR THAT?
OH MY GOD.
FUCK.
Interview next week! See you there!
Reality or Flannery O’Connor story?
Pit Bulls Kill Miniature Horse Donated To Cancer-Stricken Child
Or just another proof for the non-existence of God.
It’s a Date, David Rees!!!
Sigh.
Dear Mailing List My Beloved Left Hook,
I am coming out of retirement for two live performances in celebration of two of my favorite things: AFFORDABLE ART and ISLAMOFASCISM.
1. ISLAMOFASCISM
Soft-spoken conservative intellectual David Horowitz has designated October 22-26 as “Islamofascism Awareness Week.” (http://www.terrorismawareness.org/)
In case you didn’t know, we are fighting World War IV with Islamofascists– […]
Mirrors is talking about…
Endless Love by Scott Spencer
Most embarrassing cover for subway reading.
Disgustingest sex scene ever. (So! Much! Blood!)
In general: weird! And often annoying, but with a few flashes of real loveliness.
If we were gonna write novels about obsession, we’d totes do it differently.
Etc.
Volcanoes mean death, etc.
Getting a job was supposed to help me think less about death. Ha!
SAUCY [clutching a stuffed animal to her breast]: This is my snake. I love him. And I’ve had him for so many years!
PISTOL: When’d you get him, anyway?
SAUCY: 1984.
PISTOL: Seriously?
SAUCY: [Nods earnestly.] Ask Gracie. She was with me.
PISTOL: Hmpf.
SAUCY: What?
PISTOL: I’m just trying […]
Wait for it.
P is the sexiest letter. That’s today’s Internet Lesson.
Meanwhile back in Japan, Osaka artist Nishikawa Sukenobu was cranking out bawdy books, one of which, “Enjo Iro Shigure” (literally, “voluptuous women’s late-autumn rain shower of sex”), went beyond pictures of the sex toys and showed illustrations of gals getting down to the nitty-gritty of putting the […]
The grand smear
Dude. You’ve got to witness Lee Siegel clobbering the fuck out of Alice Sebold’s new novel The Almost Moon in today’s Book Review. Seriously: this is Must-See TV, folks. I wouldn’t want to give everything away, but I can’t help mentioning that he compares the thing to “one very long MySpace page.” And concludes with […]
Read this entry >>Metaween
Your lovely Mirrors don’t celebrate Halloween. It is a children’s holiday. Remember? Ah, how we loved it then. The creativity, the candy. The fascination of peering into our neighbors’ foyers. Now Halloween means girls dressing up as sexy witches, sexy cats, and sexy devils. DO NOT CARE.
However. Last year we joked that we’d go as […]
Ambiyum!
The brooding Lady Pharmacist at the Rite-Aid gave me 30 Ambiens when she was supposed to give me 10!
Ambien is my fave pill. I think that might mean I’m getting old. Because my fave pill used to be Dexedrine.
But it’s not because I love sleep. I fucking hate sleep. What a waste of time.
What I […]
Girl with no name
Walking to work in my lady clothes, I feel a little crazy inside. Who am I? I wonder. What is this? I love the lady clothes, but they feel like drag.
When you get a job, don’t you kind of become a different person? A little bit? That’s one of the things I worry about.
When I […]
Tuesday, All Right
This morning my mother called me and I didn’t pick up because I don’t like to ruffle my pre-masturbation time with external affairs. Pre-masturbation is reserved for anointing my body with sacred oils and chanting while leafing through The Cambridge Dictionary of Philosophy. Now that’s titillating.
Here was her message: “I’m calling you but I’m getting […]
Silence is golden
PHEW! My vow of silence is officially OVER. I emerge refreshed and replenished, with a dazzling aura of inner peace that is evident in all of last night’s drunken self-portraits. It’s almost a little spooky!
I’m not sure whose idea it was for me to go to Quiet Camp for the One Week Word Cleanse. (So […]
Movie Corner!!!
Michael Clayton, written and directed by Tony Gilroy.
Hey, everybody! Wasn’t it funny how the Tilda Swinton character was shown getting dressed and we saw that flabby bulge of flesh under her bra? Wasn’t it funny and didn’t it make her look sad and old and grasping and pathetic even though George Clooney in real life […]
Embarrassment 101
My computer just said the word “PENIS.” Really loudly. In the library.
All I did was click on the image of a Maya word glyph, thinking it would enlarge (heh). I didn’t know audio was involved! And I wasn’t playing favorites. Penis happens to be aat, so it was the first glyph on the page.
I quickly […]
Read this entry >>BREAKING NEWS: LEFT HOOK’S FIRST EMOTICON
It was this:
It indicated sadness and/or regret. It was used in an email to my ex-boss. In the email, it wasn’t a cheerful yellow face, just a plain old colon and open parenthesis.
Here was the context:
Unfortunately I’m busy all day tomorrow.
The emoticon was a synecdoche for:
…so I cannot do sound […]
Thursday.
Thing is, for Masturbation Opus I need to learn about Wittgenstein.
Also, Pistol is what we call a Bad Influence.
Pistol: Why not have an itters bitters drink?
Lefty: Because then I can’t sleep.
Pistol: We’ll swing by my house and pick up some Ambien first.
Lefty: Huh.
Pistol: And you can borrow a philosophy book.
Lefty: (small voice) I was […]
Watch out, Oh My Rockness
Cuz Bandsintown’s in town.
Right now I’m pretty tickled with it, but I guess we did just meet.
Thanks to recent Gawker celebrity Multislacker for the tip. (NOT the rattail guy. Shudder.)