Archives for November 2007
Being-Bad and Nothingness
I’m pretty sure the world is ending.
Everything is phenomenally fucked up; that much is obvious. You know, on the one hand, people letting their babies starve because they are too busy playing video games, and on the other, people all hot to blow themselves up for a cause. The best lack all conviction, while the […]
Eat this grenade
I’m smarter than you. (File under: precocious childhood, adult-onset failure.) That’s why I’m here on your computer monitor: to steer you artfully around the pitfalls that a human of average intelligence encounters daily.
Here’s a fact you might not know: your body is smarter than you, too! It goes about its business, making new blood […]
I’m Sorry
I know, I know–weird things on craigslist. Yawn! But still, I never expected to see anything like this while idly browsing for a coffee table.
You are looking at a Bronze-Lady coffee table. The table itself is shaped as a naked lady made of bronze material, as seen in the pictures below.
Face is covered with tape […]
Suicide Corner!!!
Let’s see… what “Retchables” does Publisher’s Lunch have for us today?
FICTION
Debut
Amy Greene’s BLOODROOT, A multigenerational saga set in the heart of Appalachia that centers on a young girl raised by her grandmother on remote Bloodroot Mountain, and the legacy of place — and madness — that her twin children inherit, to Robin Desser at […]
T.A.D.L.A.R.
You read this blog to be dazzled by the fecundity of our imaginations, right? How psyched are you, then, for…
PISTOL’S WEEK IN DREAMZZZ
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Voice from the Future States the Obvs
Pistol: …LA.
Lefty: Oh, LA! I want to go. I’m going to move there.
Pistol: (Laughs) How will you get around?
Lefty: My boyfriend will drive me.
Pistol: Everywhere?
Lefty: Yes, everywhere.
Pistol: You think that’s a good idea?
Lefty: Yes. No.
Pistol: …
Lefty: What about a scooter? Do you think I could handle a scooter?
Pistol: A scooter? On the freeway?
Lefty: I won’t […]
The bone zone is the opposite of death
My little sister got married this weekend. And everybody knows what that means!!! We’re all going to die! But first, we’re going to get OLD. And also, It’s about time I started acting like a grown-up.
Okay, she’s actually my big sister.
But sometimes when we play “Who do you think is older?” people say me. Because […]
He was a good little buddy.
Guys, Sidekick died.
Epic sigh.
Mr. Pistol said No more T-Mobile–he was very stern about it–and that means no new Sidekick. So I went to the stupid Verizon store to learn about cell phones.
I don’t want to learn about cell phones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meatloaf? Seriously.
When you make meatloaf like I do/did and it is unbearably delicious then you will also make meatloaf sandwiches like 5 times a day? OK, three times. But still.
Soft rye
The most delicious meatloaf (see below for a teaser)
Cheese (muenster? Monterey Jack?) optional
WATERCRESS (the opposite of optional)
MAYONNAISE
Oh do you want to know about meatloaf? Same as […]
Read this entry >>THIS IS SLANDER!
Here is one thing of which you may be certain: I have never purchased music by U2. It’s bad enough that my candle purchase of ‘06 has skewed me towards some kind of weird aromatherapeutical metric, but this?
Read this entry >>The Last Sunsets
My very first thought upon waking this morning was, “What’s it going to be like to be dead?”
Great. One of those one of those days!
I Hate the World #4
It’s BLIND ITEM time!
WHICH lion of American letters wrote the following sentence, which makes me want to claw my eyes out?
Laura’s face was as sweet as ever, her breasts were as full as ever, and who could question that her heart was in the right place?
And also inexplicably–and repeatedly!–refers to sex as “intercourse.” In the […]
Workin’ on livin’
I am lucky because at my job, everybody loves me. I don’t mean like when that lady at your office brings in cookies and everyone is like, “OMG I love you!” but actually they are all completely indifferent to her, except for an occasional stinging flash of pity, and are obviously just taking the […]
Read this entry >>What about the childrens?
Things have been rocky since I found out about Daddy’s Other Family.
Lefty: WASN’T I ENOUGH FOR YOU?
Daddy: You didn’t provide the intellectual stimulation I required.
Lefty: Huh?
Daddy: My mind needs stroking, too.
Lefty: What?
Daddy: My other wife’s really smart. She works for a think tank.
Lefty: But that’s my job! Ask anybody! It’s been my thing FOR YEARS.
Daddy: […]