Archives for the 'assholes' Category
The limits of credibility
Let’s see…
McGrath said that because he is on the Times staff and sometimes writes about books, he and his daughter do not talk about her work and she had not told him the Jones memoir was hers.
Either dude is a total liar, or the worst father in the world. Because come ON.
(NYT)
there go the movies…
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TGIST
I am so relieved that it’s finally Primary Day, even though I still don’t know who I’m voting for, because I don’t think I can endure any more grinning clean-cut youths covered in Obama stickers and buttons (wacky!) lunging at me in the Union Square train station and shouting, “High-five for Obama!!!!!!!!!!!!!” In my face.
Seriously. […]
What Kind of Asshole?
At the Donald Barthelme tribute last night, reads the LAST CHAPTER of The Dead Father, a book I’ve been wanting to read for a really long time (and not reading, but that’s a separate issue of self-denial and has nothing to do with this)???
This man: [redacted]. Thanks for ruining the book, you pompous moron!
On the […]
Life’s Rich Pageant
So I was re-alphabetizing my CDs–oh my God this is your favorite blog ever because I write such interesting posts, right???–and every time I do that I’m like, THIS IS STUPID FUCK IT I’M GETTING RID OF ALL OF THEM RIGHT NOW, because what are CDs even? And then I usually do get rid of […]
Read this entry >>Eat this grenade
I’m smarter than you. (File under: precocious childhood, adult-onset failure.) That’s why I’m here on your computer monitor: to steer you artfully around the pitfalls that a human of average intelligence encounters daily.
Here’s a fact you might not know: your body is smarter than you, too! It goes about its business, making new blood […]
Hate Mail
John Monus used to be a realtor at a Century 21 in Austin, Texas. What do you think caused him to move to Brooklyn, NY, and leave sticky notes (gross) on strangers’ front doors (ditto)?
Could it be he’s a jerk?
Let’s examine his handwriting and find out.
Mistakes were made
Ladies and gentleman, last night something happened to your blogeuses. Something bad.
Read this entry >>Fuck You, 20 Bayard
Dear 20 Bayard,
Fuck you! We here at Meta-Mirror have never seen such an egregious example of architectural excrement. And now, after months of noise pollution and construction debris, you put a password on your wifi network? Because god forbid the neighborhood people who have to put up with having diarrhea smeared in their eyes […]
Sicko
Last week I was really sick, but I kept going to shows, because I already had tickets, and at the shows I kept drinking, because drinking makes you feel better whether you’re sick or healthy. But, sigh, if you’re sick, it doesn’t make you get better. It makes you get worse. So, bad idea.
It was […]
I Got Robbed. Seriously.
La Mère Gaucher is in town and she wanted to do some thrifting. She likes the la-di-da places and I like the gutter, but luckily, this neighborhood I know, called FoCo, has the whole spectrum–from the designer shit at the City Opera Thrift Shop to the sketchy delights of the Salvation Army.
We were at the […]
How The Fuck is This Newsworthy?
Last night on Dateline, the powers-that-be trotted out correspondent Hoda Kotb, and had her speak on camera for several minutes about her alma mater.
Today, I’m wearing orange, one of Virginia Tech’s colors. The school colors are actually maroon and orange. I remember in college, and we didn’t love the color scheme— we thought the two […]
OhMyGod! Click on View More Pics!!!
Sometimes you come across a little nugget like this, and you just can’t pass it up, even though you saw it 11 and a half hours ago but the server was down at work so you couldn’t post it till now and you don’t feel like gagglin’ around to see if it’s already been blogged […]
Read this entry >>Postcard (Already)
Oh Lefty.
I got rilly drunk on the way here.
I don’t know how it happened, exactly. I mean, yeah, okay, I drank a lot. So sue me!
I sent Firecracker an email at 12:21 saying, “We’re at the airport! And we’re gonna get drunk!” Then I sent her another one at 12:39 that said, “I’m drunk!” Then […]
This is Freedom
via Cynthia’s Cynopsis:
Untitled Dave Caplan Project– half-hour scripted series centers on a woman, who despite having numerous challenging events happen in her life, maintains a great sense of humor. From Sony Pictures Television and Original Films.
Wow. What, a funny, heart-warming, charming, original, fascinating, laff-packed idea for a TV show. Thank God I live in America. […]
Any guesses?
Be sure to read what it says under Compensation. It’s quite clever!
Williamsburg Author Seeks Hipster Intern
Reply to: job-290414943@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-03-08, 7:56AM ESTI am a middle-aged (OK, somewhat old) semifamous published author of books of fiction and nonfiction reviewed in the New York Times Book Review, Los Angeles Times, Newsday, etc. I am looking for a […]
…and I’m catatonic
When I was in sixth grade, there was this set-up at school where, on Valentine’s Day, you could have a rose sent to anybody you wanted for a dollar. I sent one to my boyfriend Bobby with a note that said, “Happy Valentine’s Day, you total stud. Love, Pistol.” How funny was I when I […]
Read this entry >>Are You there, God? It’s me, asshole
Look: I know I’m kind of an asshole. Just ask Pistol Whip, if you want to check my double-stuff. But it’s not my fault. How else am I supposed to act, when I’m this hot, this brilliant, and STILL WAITING for God to explain to me why He put me on this earth? Wouldn’t you […]
Read this entry >>More catalog exegesis
Left Hook, you inspire me. Still, when I opened Winter 2007’s Pottery Barn Kids, I wasn’t expecting anything more than something to occupy me while I ate a bowl of cereal. You know, so I wouldn’t have to be alone with my thoughts. But now, here I am, penning my very own Pottery Barn post.
Welcome […]
Enemy combatant
The [tk] Army is a feature we’re going to break out imminently, as soon as we finish hiring an intern apiece, sexually harassing them*, denying everything, stalking them on MySpace, pretending we don’t see them on the subway, and verbally garotting any girls who happen to be glimpsed in their presence. It doesn’t have much […]
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