Archives for the 'boring' Category
Something that refers to sleep or sleeping or beds or shopping for beds online
I’m looking for a new bed. Boringness follows. Allons-y?
Read this entry >>He was a good little buddy.
Guys, Sidekick died.
Epic sigh.
Mr. Pistol said No more T-Mobile–he was very stern about it–and that means no new Sidekick. So I went to the stupid Verizon store to learn about cell phones.
I don’t want to learn about cell phones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, All Right
This morning my mother called me and I didn’t pick up because I don’t like to ruffle my pre-masturbation time with external affairs. Pre-masturbation is reserved for anointing my body with sacred oils and chanting while leafing through The Cambridge Dictionary of Philosophy. Now that’s titillating.
Here was her message: “I’m calling you but I’m getting […]
Thursday.
Thing is, for Masturbation Opus I need to learn about Wittgenstein.
Also, Pistol is what we call a Bad Influence.
Pistol: Why not have an itters bitters drink?
Lefty: Because then I can’t sleep.
Pistol: We’ll swing by my house and pick up some Ambien first.
Lefty: Huh.
Pistol: And you can borrow a philosophy book.
Lefty: (small voice) I was […]
Girl gone mild
I couldn’t get drunk this weekend. It was weird.
LET’S GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.
bloody knees
Ever since I converted to Christianity (last Thursday), life has been pretty boring. If by boring you mean an awesome feeling of relief!
You know how they (?) say all good dialogue is in essence just alternating “Yes” and “No”? Well, I thought life meant alternating the statements “I don’t want to live” with “I don’t […]
the jeans grail
Every night I pray to God to send me a proper pair of jeans. Here’s what I wish for:
dark wash
high (natural!) waist
straightish leg
That doesn’t seem like so terribly much to ask. It seems, to me at least, like the Platonic ideal of jeans! WHY SHOULD IT BE SO HARD, THEN?
Read this entry >>No future
One day not long ago, Left Hook and I were discussing her career conundrum on the telephone. Lefty agonized, and I attempted to reassure her. I told her that she was brilliant and talented and thoroughly delightful (and how!), and that I was positive she would figure it out.
She sighed, unconvinced. “What about you? Do […]
google pinball
At the time of SEX, real himself cannot take out before him but it is a thing also with moderate pant voice. ※この場合 real himself は real herself です–or, more simply, Macy’s.
HE needs to GET REAL himself, but, that would ruin his image! Hmmmmm - I can say what (allegedly) happened…I read that he was […]
literally, bodog style
Q: My brain hurts.
A: Thinking is hard work!!!
Hahaha! Too bad “brainwork” does not earn “clams.” Right? Because let me tell you, that scorpion in my brain is one sick fuck.
So, here we go again.
quote (all text attributes added willy-nilly by yours truly):
Sell What EVERYONE WANTS & USES!
Tiny World
Jim at Ugly Luggage writes the funniest tags for the stuff in his shop. Like once for JB’s birthday I gave her a geode that someone had made into a little terrarium by sticking a wee cactus inside it. So: tiny world.
There’s a little backyard to my apartment and if I have the day off […]
Official.
Mr. Nairobi Sanchez, Esq., our legal counsel, asked me to post the following:
The Board of Directors convened an emergency meeting at 9:08 pm on Monday to discuss the grave ramifications of Pistol Whip’s “menstrual post.”
It pleases the Board to report that a moratorium on similarly-themed subject matter has been unanimously passed. In a written statement, […]
Like like the the the death
This weekend, I went to Boston to witness Firecracker’s wedding dress search.
You probably already know how I feel about weddings, because that’s like all I ever write about. That, and death.
Yep:
I hate weddings!
I’m afraid of/obsessed with dying!
That’s basically it. In the interest of time, you might want to stop reading now.
the back page
We’d have to change our name to -Mirror if we didn’t mention that Gawker linked to us yesterday.
A gadfly there proclaimed us: “JUST TERRIBLE.”
Terrible, eh? Have you seen Lady Hook’s HAIR or Dame Pistol’s LEGS? How do you think we got the link, anyway?
The only terrible thing around here is the fact that Pistol’s away […]
Vocabulatrix
Sit up straight when your schoolmarm walks into the classroom. Today’s word is erumpent. Can anyone tell me what erumpent means? No? Well, what if Schoolmarm were to tell you that it describes what’s going on right now, not only all around you, but in your own bodies, specifically in your gonads (noun, an organ […]
Read this entry >>Children are cute, blahblahblah
I haven’t really been working lately–I mean at my job… my life is like 100% Work and I am sooooooo busy–but I had to go to school a couple days this week to do a project with the children. A wall-hanging which was inspired by another wall-hanging I saw in an Italian nursery school, to […]
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