Archives for the 'creepy' Category
nightfreak
Last night at Youpers, Glen said something, and then I said something, and then Glen said something, and then I said, FUCK YOU, GLEN! and Glen said, In your dreams! and then while my poor soupy brain was trying to work up a comeback, Glen said, In your MARRIED dreams! and then Lefty and I […]
Read this entry >>Awkward!
Because I am a narcissist, I am obsessed with figuring out what I look like. And also, because I am confused. Globally, I’m talking. Existentially! I really, really, really can’t figure out what I look like. Hence, there is a lot of staring in the mirror chez Pistol. I find photographs of myself fascinating and […]
Read this entry >>Don’t watch this.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck, yesterday’s Times article about Bindi Irwin.
I only looked at it because it was on the Most Emailed list. And because I feel sorry for exploited children. F’realz.
I did not know it would involve a video, and that that video would infect my brain with this song.
It’s hard to think of a less likely child […]
Read this entry >>I’m Sorry
I know, I know–weird things on craigslist. Yawn! But still, I never expected to see anything like this while idly browsing for a coffee table.
You are looking at a Bronze-Lady coffee table. The table itself is shaped as a naked lady made of bronze material, as seen in the pictures below.
Face is covered with tape […]
Embarrassment 101
My computer just said the word “PENIS.” Really loudly. In the library.
All I did was click on the image of a Maya word glyph, thinking it would enlarge (heh). I didn’t know audio was involved! And I wasn’t playing favorites. Penis happens to be aat, so it was the first glyph on the page.
I quickly […]
Read this entry >>Thanks for making me feeling like a REAL pedophile, International Herald Tribune
From Michael Cera’s comedy of raw adolescence:
Michael Cera, who just turned 19 years old but whose peach-fuzz cheeks and deceptively innocent eyes make him seem at least five years younger…
Yeah yeah, I know I can be a creep when it comes to teens. But c’mon. He does not look FOURTEEN YEARS OLD.
Does he?
Normally I’d make […]
I have a fever.
Which is maybe imbuing everything with a slightly ghoulish glow.
When I ordered samples of 3/8″ double cell room darkening shades last week, I didn’t give the color names a second thought…
They came in the mail today. So I’m sorting through them: Stucco, sure. Soapstone, okay. Linen. Parchment. But, Altamont?
They’re going to give that color a […]
Sicko
Last week I was really sick, but I kept going to shows, because I already had tickets, and at the shows I kept drinking, because drinking makes you feel better whether you’re sick or healthy. But, sigh, if you’re sick, it doesn’t make you get better. It makes you get worse. So, bad idea.
It was […]
Poor Deery Lou
So I’m sitting here drinking my coffee, idly browsing antique benches and stools on eBay, when I happen upon THE WORST THING EVER.
It’s this:
Mr. B-A-D
I haven’t been following the Phil Spector trial, which is weird, because I am usually completely riveted by a sordid dark-side-of-Hollywood tale. Dissipated celebrities, creepy mansions, curdled genius, crushed dreams, guns. Sunset Boulevard, duh!
The slideshow of the crazy motherfucker’s hair over the years in Sunday Styles struck me as a crass trivialization of a Serious […]
I’m glad I’m not a sexpert
From last week’s “Get Naked” [Time Out New York]:
I have been in a relationship for six and a half years with a man who is a kind, gentle and patient lover. He has really taught me everything that I know when it comes to sex. My problem is that no matter what we try, when […]
Dentistry is a Dark Art
It’s like a combination of alchemy, witchcraft, and auto repair. And its practitioners strike me more as tragic vessels than lusty torturers. Dentistry moves through them, demon-style.
Can you imagine having to stick needles in people’s heads every fucking day???
Today I was privy to these Mysterious Exchanges between my sad-eyed dentist and his anxious, ever-wincing hygienist:
“We’ll […]
Read this entry >>Ears to you.
Fucking Harry and David.
The World’s Greatest Solid Milk Chocolate Easter Bunny
Ears to you: He’s nine inches tall!
Perfect for anyone in the habit of nibbling the ears first. Made exclusively in our own confectionary from our own luxurious milk chocolate. Net wt. 10 oz.
ITEM 417M $19.95
What’s Up With That Dude’s Voice?
Oh, it’s a chick? High as fuck? Whatever.
Read this entry >>Narcissism Loser
So, I’m a little obsessed with AwStats. It’s fun to check them throughout the day! Or maybe not fun, exactly. Maybe more like I can’t help it? And it’s compulsive? And a little crazy? And nothing is going to be different than it was two minutes ago but I CAN’T FUCKING STOP MYSELF?
It’s interesting to […]
Shrimp dick: the prequel
All right, people, you asked for this.
Actually, I’m lying. Nobody asked for this. But it’s what I’ve got.
Wednesday
now [redacted]’s got a shrimpy boyfriend.
what if his penis really looked like an actual shrimp?
ICK
YOU ARE SICK
would you prefer it to look like a raw one or a cooked one?
makes me puke.
[…]
One of those gym posts
Locker room. Three girls talking by the sinks. One girl says, “My iPod just stopped working! It was working fine and then it just stopped.” Another girl says, “That’s cause Mercury’s in retrograde. I don’t really believe in that, but it fucks stuff up, especially electronics.” “Oh, no, how long is it going to last?” […]
Read this entry >>The provider did not like it
Reviewer:
R. Devine (United States) - See all my reviews
After I tried with the providers, my ego was disappeared because my lollipop was too soft. I was so embarrassed and so mad.. Later, I learned that my lollipop was reacted as an allergy to any latex condoms. So I tried Trojan Supra for the first […]
Read this entry >>Bad bad girl girl
Dear Stephen Malkmus,
I know you’re married, silly! So am I!
But I’m just wondering, when you come home, does your wife get down on her knees and untie your shoes for you?
Or, does she start bitching about how the baby was so cranky all day, and she’s so fucking sleep deprived, and what time did you […]
More catalog exegesis
Left Hook, you inspire me. Still, when I opened Winter 2007’s Pottery Barn Kids, I wasn’t expecting anything more than something to occupy me while I ate a bowl of cereal. You know, so I wouldn’t have to be alone with my thoughts. But now, here I am, penning my very own Pottery Barn post.
Welcome […]