Archives for the 'meta' Category
Silence is golden
PHEW! My vow of silence is officially OVER. I emerge refreshed and replenished, with a dazzling aura of inner peace that is evident in all of last night’s drunken self-portraits. It’s almost a little spooky!
I’m not sure whose idea it was for me to go to Quiet Camp for the One Week Word Cleanse. (So […]
Onan Revisited
The weird thing about masturbating is, IT’S SUCH FUCKING HARD WORK!
They don’t tell you that in school. You gotta just learn it on the streets. Just you and your hand(s)/finger(s). No one can help you. No one tells you how long it should take, and if you should go really fast or sort of slow […]
Losing the plot
Reader, I have a tendency to get lost. I get on these kicks where I deconstruct the fuck out of every little thing, and do you know what the result of that is? Nothing makes any sense.
I mean, sure: the world is random and chaotic, all “meaning” is human-manufactured and ultimately a mirage, etc. But […]
The mirror is dangerous. But I can’t put it down!
“Rory” is the kind of dude who uses his girlfriend’s name for all his passwords. A romantic, like.
That never occurred to me, maybe because my heart is cold?
Naw, Mr. Pistol’s real-life name is just much too short.
Anyway, stop it with your identity theft schemes right this instant. Even if you were to hack into “Rory’s” […]
Window Seat
I have the window seat. The guy in the middle seat doesn’t stand up to let me by.
In some places it’s considered polite to turn your buttocks to the person you’re squeezing past; in other places it’s polite to turn your buttocks away.
I fly so much on business I forget where I am sometimes.
The tarmac […]
I’ll build a house inside of you
Sometimes when I think of a certain thing, a sense of nervous anticipation seizes my thorax. My throat tightens and I salivate.
That thing is running.
Usually it happens a few minutes before climbing on ye olde treadmille. But today at lunch I got it just thinking about how I was going to run after work.
I suppose […]
Nu-de play-boy co-ck
A DARK STAGE
From the wings, two voices are heard.
An Internet God: […] The word that was blocked is “fuck.” As you can probably know, this word is common used in spam. If you can possibly use some other word, please proceed.
Meta-Mirror: (To itself: As you can probably know?) Er, there isn’t any possible substitute […]
Obsession 101
Please:
The polka dots, the polka-dot mugs, the “say ahh” zaniness… I am never going to watch this show, but I am completely obsessed with it. Why? Because this “Mike” guy doesn’t realize that his life is actually a parody of every single character Fred Willard has ever played.
To wit:
And since Willard’s characters are parodies themselves, […]
Read this entry >>Blog Dreams
Here’s how queer I am: I had a dream about bloggers. It went like this:
Left Hook and I were in the backseat of a car being driven by a certain hotshot we admire. An associate of his was sitting shotgun. It was the middle of the night and we were in a deserted city looking […]
And then, a miracle
The other day at work, one of my charges, a three-year-old with an intelligent little weasel face, gazed up at me and said, dreamily, “Ms. Whip, where did you come from?”
And I was like, “God sent me so that you might have eternal life.”
J/k. Honestly, I wasn’t exactly sure how to answer her. […]
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