Archives for the 'retarded' Category
Eat this grenade
I’m smarter than you. (File under: precocious childhood, adult-onset failure.) That’s why I’m here on your computer monitor: to steer you artfully around the pitfalls that a human of average intelligence encounters daily.
Here’s a fact you might not know: your body is smarter than you, too! It goes about its business, making new blood […]
I wonder if my lawyer really thinks I’m pretty, or does she just say that cuz I’ve been paying her all these years?
Sometimes I have private jokes with myself. I think of them and I laugh out loud.
Lols!!!!!
Here’s the latest: I’ve stopped referring to my therapist as “my therapist” in my head. It’s much funnier to call her “my lawyer” instead!
For example:
I totally forgot to tell my lawyer about my latest sex dream! She’s gonna want to […]
Read this entry >>Sarah Jessica Parker to make nuclear bomb, literally
Sigh.
Read this entry >>Screwing myself with my hand
If you are a regular reader of this website, you know that your girl Pistol is a Thinker. You’ll often find me musing about such fascinating and diverse topics as Art and Technology, not to mention weighing in on the most important and controversial issues of today! I’m basically a public intellectual.
Thoughts come at me […]
Who will play Jenny Wren?
With Blogue Partenaire off to the wilds of Alabama (am I allowed to say that?) for the aforementioned wedding, I have nothing better to do than sit, glassy-eyed, and muse on the human condition.
Out of sheer laziness, I invite anyone who wants to guestwrite or ghostwrite an entry to send it in, and if it’s […]
I don’t wanna baby that looks like that!
I thought I had a rudimentary understanding of genetics. Like, I thought Steve Malkmus and I would surely have beautiful children.
Fuck!
I’m better off breeding with a primordial dwarf!
At least that one looks human.
[This is totally stolen from Lindsayism. You can also straight to the source and waste lots of time here.]
The mirror is dangerous. But I can’t put it down!
“Rory” is the kind of dude who uses his girlfriend’s name for all his passwords. A romantic, like.
That never occurred to me, maybe because my heart is cold?
Naw, Mr. Pistol’s real-life name is just much too short.
Anyway, stop it with your identity theft schemes right this instant. Even if you were to hack into “Rory’s” […]
“Rory”: an introduction
I have a “friend” named “Rory.”
We went to high school together. Or something. As I’ve mentioned before, my memory isn’t so hot!
What I do remember, very clearly, is this one time when I was 15 and working at a health food store in a beachside hamlet… [Despite which: P.W. is not, and has never been, […]