Archives for the 'the mind boggles' Category
there go the movies…
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Awkward!
Because I am a narcissist, I am obsessed with figuring out what I look like. And also, because I am confused. Globally, I’m talking. Existentially! I really, really, really can’t figure out what I look like. Hence, there is a lot of staring in the mirror chez Pistol. I find photographs of myself fascinating and […]
Read this entry >>Eat this grenade
I’m smarter than you. (File under: precocious childhood, adult-onset failure.) That’s why I’m here on your computer monitor: to steer you artfully around the pitfalls that a human of average intelligence encounters daily.
Here’s a fact you might not know: your body is smarter than you, too! It goes about its business, making new blood […]
Goddamn the gods
This week has been what grad school should’ve been: lots of drinking whiskey and shooting the shit with our idols.
Except, it’s confusing when they turn out to be real people, and give too many details about their hernia surgery, etc.
Plus, this:
On Sunday night, Lefty and I picked up The Smartest Man in the Room at […]
Behind the scenes
If you think it’s easy to co-run one of the internet’s top Narcissistic Mind Blogs, you are dead wrong. Yesterday’s post required research. (Are you there, Intern? It’s me, Pistol.) I needed: pictures of modest bathing costumes. I found: pictures of Islamic and Christian swimsuits, and Victorian reproduction swimwear patterns. All interesting and on-topic!
But sometimes […]
Swaddleme
I can’t sleep at night.
Read this entry >>Proof that it’s not all guilt, hate, existential horror, and weeping around here.
Sometimes, there are miracles.
Lefty gave me a strawberry plant for my birthday last year, and now, lo and behold, it has fructified once more.
Are strawberry plants supposed to survive the winter? And especially, strawberry plants in 4-inch plastic pots?
That sucker was sweet, too.
Vomit/Gag
This may surprise you, coming from the interweb’s top site for “German sexcamp.”
I am a prude.
The Jane Guide to Boobs made me recoil in horror. Breasts are gross.
And penises? Scary. Just look at One D at a Time’s new poll. Forget voting; I think I just had a panic attack.
I’m popping an Ativan and taking […]
Sexantics
On Friday at acupuncture, I thought about the phrase “sex life” for a long time. You know how if you say a word over and over again, you start wondering if you might be mistaken, maybe it’s not actually a word after all, because suddenly it sounds crazy and the letters seem to be randomly […]
Read this entry >>Pistol Whip is Dixie-bound.
Fuck!
Pray for me. (If you ever pray.)
Read this entry >>On not knowing how to sleep
I can’t fucking sleep.
I saw this at the dentist on Friday and I couldn’t resist it.
I’m not even going to get into the ludicrous copy right now.
I thought we could focus on the pictures instead.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cart before horse
They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
I don’t know what results, exactly, I was expecting when I bought five horse plates yesterday on eBay.
Plus a ceramic horse head wall plaque, just for good measure:
I don’t know how to explain it, exactly. Horses are […]
Read this entry >>Vitamins
I believe the children are our future.
This happened at work.
Ms. Whip, did you know I have vitamins in my ears and nose?
What are you talking about?
I had vitamins in there and my brother took them out.
The stuff in there is not called vitamins.
My brother says it is. He took […]
Still No Word From the City
Today I was at the gym, and nothing was making sense.
Read this entry >>Exploding stars
So there’s this book I heard about on the Brian Lehrer Show.
The Show I’ll Never Forget: 50 Writers Relive Their Most Blah Blah Blah Blah…
WHAT? I’m sorry, I just fell into a light to no coma. Then I crawled on my hands and knees to the kitchen so I could stab my eyes out, […]
Obsession 101
Please:
The polka dots, the polka-dot mugs, the “say ahh” zaniness… I am never going to watch this show, but I am completely obsessed with it. Why? Because this “Mike” guy doesn’t realize that his life is actually a parody of every single character Fred Willard has ever played.
To wit:
And since Willard’s characters are parodies themselves, […]
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